Little Things
by yaoikoibito
Summary: It’s the small moments; the little things that add meaning to our lives. It’s the small quirk of lips from a small smile, it’s the soft laugh that resonate from someone’s heart. It’s the softest of kisses that are engraved in our memories. Slash, Incest
1. Chapter 1

A/n: The chapters of this fic will be very short *smiles* please, enjoy. Oh, and I tried a different writing style this time. Usually, I just write like this for my Sirius/Remus fanfics. But, I wanted to try something new.

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 1: Pristine

_~~o~~_

Kaoru is lying in their bed. _Theirs_, because they are always together, and they _will_ always be together. Their bed is warm, and it had always cradled two bodies. It was supposed to be Kaoru's bed, but Hikaru will always, _always_, tiptoe across their room and snuggle and let sleep take over as he settles beside Kaoru.

Right now, with the morning sun glaring brightly and happily through the opened window, Kaoru's are shut closed, his usually bright eyes curtained by his eyelids. He's tucked in comfortably, the blanket wrapping him in its cocoon of warmth and heat. A soft wind -almost a breeze, but not quite- blows in and papers flutter softly on the tabletops, the curtains rise up, and would lazily fall back down.

Kaoru's breathing deeply, he's breathing too much. It's like he's scraping the very walls of his lungs for more oxygen molecules. _Inhale and exhale_, his silent prayer as he lies in bed. His breathing is laboured and difficult.

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. _

It feels like he can't breathe.

Kaoru's cheeks are red and slight, _very slight_, tremors wrack his body. His head hurts. He coughs and then he sniffs. He's sick, but Hikaru is not sick.

It's not fair.

Hikaru feels useless and he wants to make Kaoru feel better. But what can a nine year old do? Hikaru sits beside Kaoru; he sits near the edge of the bed as Kaoru rests at the middle. He gropes for his younger brother's hand over the sheets, and Hikaru laces their fingers together. He runs his thumb across Kaoru's knuckle, a gesture of comfort.

It's amazing how their interlocked hands are so different. One cold and the other so abnormally warm. Hikaru tightens his grip, and Kaoru shifts slightly, the bed creaking under them. His eyes open, only a little and he coughs quite violently. His body jerks forward and Hikaru pats his back with one hand while the other remains within Kaoru's own.

Again, Hikaru can't help but think it's unfair. It's unfair how he's not sick and Kaoru is. How he can't protect his brother, and all he can do is watch him suffer and wheeze and cough his lungs out. It's unfair, they experience everything together.

Kaoru falls back heavily on the bed, his pillow cradling his head, his hair fanned out. His eyes open, heavily-lidded and all. He smiles a tentative smile, and he notices his hand in Hikaru's. He squeezes his brother's hand, he's okay, really.

He's okay.

His throat is sore. His nose is clogged up, his eyes hurt and he doesn't want to blink. It feels like he has earplugs on, he can barely hear anything. There is a painful throbbing in his head, and he's happy. He's happy, because at least he can feel Hikaru's hand in his, his warmth just there.

Kaoru doesn't think of the pain. He doesn't think of how he can barely breathe through his nose. He doesn't think of the headaches and the coughing and the sore muscles. He thinks of Hikaru, and how he doesn't want him to worry. He doesn't think of his sickness, he can pretend he's not sick, and he's okay.

He's happy knowing that his brother is watching over him. He feels safe, and he knows that he would get better. Eventually. But this is was what matters now, Kaoru thinks. He closes his eyes with these thoughts drifting through his mind.

The bed creaks as Hikaru shifts to lie down beside Kaoru. A hand on Kaoru's hip, breath in his air. Hikaru kisses his temple, kisses his closed eyelids and his forehead, and Hikaru swears he can feel Kaoru's headache almost pulsating against his lips.

_A kiss, to make the pain go away_.

Hikaru knows he's thinking naively.

_Kiss it to make him feel better._

Hikaru kisses the corner of Kaoru's lips.

_Please feel better soon._

Kaoru's eyes open a little, the corner of his lips quirk up. Kaoru can still feel Hikaru's kisses, soft and sweet. It feels warm, a tingling sensations left in its wake. He opens his eyes, and his lips part, and he smiles tiredly at his older brother.

"I'm okay," Kaoru says quietly, and squeezes Hikaru's hand tighter; it's as if Hikaru is the one who can feel the pain.

Hikaru kisses his forehead again, a soft and innocent and comforting, nine year old kind of kiss.

_To be continued... _

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: Honestly, this whole fic will have very short chapters. Tell me, what kind of kiss would you like to read? I might write it *smiles*

Please review


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: The... second chapter? Haha, okay, I admit, I admit, this story is just a series of imperfect drabbles. You see, I could never stick to the themes in thirty kisses (that, and I didn't understand some), so I thought, 'whe-hey, maybe I should just write whatever kissing scene I want,' so yeah.

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 2: Within

_~~o~~_

The bright moon shines an eerie sort of yellow light. The moonlight beams peeking from the windows dusting his skin and highlighting his features. Hikaru's eyes shift nervously from side to side along the dark hallway. His palms are wet with sweat, and his finger twitches, craving for that familiar warmth.

He walks straight ahead, not that there's anywhere else he could go. It's silent around him, and he only hears the soft patter of his feet on the floor. He bites his lower lip as he tries to hold back his tears.

He gulps and his throat feel unbearably dry, so dry but he doesn't feel like drinking water. His eyes are dry, too, though he feels like crying. The hallway is too lonely, and it seems to stretch on forever to an abyss of darkness. The only light is the moon that penetrates the glass windows. The air is warm, but he has goosebumps across his arms and at his nape.

Hikaru looks down at his feet and blinks back his tears that are threatening to flow. He's scared, but he has to be brave if he wants to find Kaoru.

A shiver runs through him. He brings his arms up to wrap them around himself/ He brushes his hands up and down against the side of his upper arm, hoping to keep warm, or to comfort himself, if more than anything.

He brings his face up to look where he is. It's still the same, he has yet to see a change of scenery, and has yet to come to the end of the hall. Hikaru looks hard, squinting his eyes to see when he can stop walking or see his brother. But the darkness swallows whatever it is a few metres away from him.

He whimpers, but he can't cry or looks like he's scared. For the sake of his younger brother.

From a distance, he hears hiccups. He hears someone crying, and it sounds vaguely like his brother.

Hikaru makes a run for it. He runs fast, fast, faster into the depths of the hallway until his ten year old body is swallowed by the darkness, he reaches a point where he can see absolutely nothing and can hear Kaoru's crying louder than before.

A light from somewhere turns on, its dim light showering the area. Hikaru looks up, across the room, and sees Kaoru's scared face. He runs towards him and he sees Kaoru running, too. He's close, but, he comes to a stop.

There's something, a barricade, a barrier, between him and his beloved brother.

Hikaru places his hands on the glass barrier, flat against it, and Kaoru does the same. He pounds on the glass as hard as he can, shouting Kaoru's name like a broken mantra on his lips. Kaoru's shouting, too, but all Hikaru hears is his own desperate calls.

Then, there's a crack. The crack grows bigger and bigger, spreading like a spider web. The glass breaks, and chunks and shards fall around Hikaru to the ground. But he's too shocked to mind them.

In front of him, where he thought a glass barrier stood between him and Kaoru is just a wall, no Kaoru. He had only been looking at a mirror. His heart hurts, and he looks down. A glass shard embedded in his chest, piercing through his heart. The taste of copper makes its way up his throat and he screams with his eyes closed. He falls to the ground, on his knees.

His eyes snap open, and he looks around. He's still in bed and he feels hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He's gasping and panting and gulping in air. His lips are dry. He looks beside him, and he sees Kaoru staring at him worriedly.

It was just a nightmare.

"Are you okay?" Kaoru whispers to him in the dark.

Hikaru shakes his head no, and he wraps his arms around Kaoru and places his head against Kaoru's chest to feel the heart that is beating and fluttering and pumping blood through his younger brother's body against his cheek.

Kaoru kisses his forehead, a reassuring and gentle and loving, ten year old kind of kiss.

Kaoru wraps his arm around Hikaru's shoulders, pressing his older brother's ear against his chest. Holding him to his heart.

"Don't worry," Kaoru whispers softly, his breath tickling Hikaru's ear, "I'm here." He says, and he hopes that that drives Hikaru's nightmares away.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: Oh gods, I don't know why, but I felt so awkward writing this. *laughs*

Please, review.


	3. Chapter 3

A/n: Oh, oh! The previous chapter, it was an idea by Voidance! I like this chapter the second best.

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 3: Daze

_~~o~~_

A glass drops. It doesn't shatter on the snow. A scream is heard. And the twins are gone in mere seconds.

They run to hide from their mother, knowing they're in trouble for another prank they had committed. They turn to the direction towards their secret place, the place where they plan their games and pranks. They love it there, being alone and all.

It would always be quiet in that place; usually the twitter of the birds, the rustling of the trees and the whisper of the wind coupled with their innocent laughter is the only thing that can be heard.

They faintly hear the party continuing on, the voices only murmurs in their ears as they run away from trouble. The wind rushes pass them and it rustles their ever so stylish clothes they aren't comfortable in. Their hearts are beating, it's beating hard in their chests as they feel the exhilaration run through them.

Hikaru looks behind him as he's pulling his younger brother along. His hand is wrapped around Kaoru's wrist and Kaoru is laughing and smiling at him. His laugh is short from a chuckle but more than a giggle, and Hikaru loves that laugh. He doesn't understand the laugh, he know it's Kaoru's secret laugh, but he likes it nonetheless. So he laughs and smiles, too, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

He can see it, Hikaru can see their place, the tree they lie under in those short and rare times they want to be quiet. It's their tree. Their tree where they are always together, where they're always happy, usually happy. It's the place where they plan their pranks and play their games. It's where no one judges them, where they're just Hikaru and Kaoru.

Hikaru hears the soft scrunch of the snow with each footfall. He slows down, effectively slowing down Kaoru as well. He looks behind him once more to smile at Kaoru, and Kaoru smile back mischievously.

Hikaru is a bit taken aback with the smile directed his way, but he doesn't think much of it. That is, until Kaoru pulls his hand out of his brother's and runs ahead of him. He's surprised as he watches Kaoru run ahead of him, the slight snow sloshing in all directions as his feet sink ever so slightly in the white frost.

_Catch me if you can..._

The moment, the thought almost escapes him. His brother's unspoken words stir something inside him, and he makes a run for it.

He runs after his brother, to catch and to tackle in the forefront of his mind. His arms are outstretched in front of him, ready to capture Kaoru when the moment comes.

Kaoru's looking back at his brother, not paying attention to the path in front of him, especially to the tree roots and stones standing out on the white snow. He doesn't see them, but he knows where they are oh so well so he doesn't trip. But then there's a branch that recently fell, and it is quite slippery. He trips, landing on his stomach, thought it doesn't hurt with the soft snow.

Hikaru is still running, the momentum was too much. He propels forward, he can't stop even if he wants to. He tries to stop, and he skids on the slippery snow, landing on Kaoru's back with a soft _'oomph'_ escaping his lips. The air in his lungs rush out, and he props himself up with his arms on either side of Kaoru's head. Kaoru turns around, now lying on his back, and he looks at Hikaru looming over him.

A smile is plastered on Kaoru's face. He giggles. His giggles are breathy and high, and he can't stop, not that he wants to. Hikaru starts giggling as well but he stops as he notices how he and Kaoru are so close. He's leaning in closer, his breath mingle with Kaoru's. He swoops down, not really aware, and presses his lips against his brother's.

He places a soft peck on Kaoru's lips, chaste and unexpected with adrenalin rushing through their veins kind of kiss.

Hikaru pulls back three seconds later, panicked and panting for air. He looks down at his younger brother, Kaoru's hair fanned out on top if the snow. Hikaru breathes in through his nose, "Sorry..." Hikaru says.

"It's okay," Kaoru says just as softly thought there isn't anyone around them listening and with a smile on his face and a tint of pink painting his nose and cheeks.

They look at each other as silence looms over them, their eyes wide with mirth. They start giggling again before they hear their mother's voice calling their names.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: Ta da! Another chapter! Oh how I wish I could experience the cold snow...

Please review *epic flail*


	4. Chapter 4

A/n: Fourth chapter! I had so much fun writing this one.

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 4: Tantalize

_~~o~~_

Hikaru loves lying in his bed. He loves lying down while looking –staring- at the ceiling and thinking of nonsensical things or just reflecting about his day. He loves lying down and trying not to think of anything or he's thinking too much. He loves the feeling of lethargy, or how the comforter would be pulled up till it's under his chin, where he would feel safe and warm.

He loves this and more, especially if his younger brother was right beside him.

He doesn't mind sharing a bed with Kaoru. He doesn't mind the fact that he can't sprawl all over the bed, or that he can't stretch too much in fear of hitting his sleeping companion across the face. He's okay waking up with chilled skin and the sniffles because Kaoru hogged the blanket. They've slept like this for years, since Hikaru can remember, and he's used to it.

Hikaru's eyes open, and a grunt escapes his lips. He pushes away Kaoru's hand that had slapped him across the face. He's not mad; at least he woke up from his nightmare.

He dreamt that a big rabbit was standing before him, a hungry gleam in its eyes, Hikaru tried to escape, only to find himself as a carrot.

He licks his lips, _what a weird dream._

He pushes back his hair that is sticking to his sweaty forehead. He shivers, his sweat cold and the comforter wrapped around him and Kaoru. He looks at the ceiling, staring at how the moonlight plays with the nightly shadows.

Hikaru feels something tickling his naked shoulder –he and Kaoru sleep only in their boxers, and it's not awkward- he turns, and gets a face full of hair. He sputters, and he pulls back. Kaoru shifts and Hikaru feels a hand graze his knee, only a whisper of a touch. It tickles, and he thinks of how the hand would move slowly, up, up, up his thigh.

He inhales cold, night air through his nose, and exhales warm breath through his mouth. He runs a hand through his hair.

Kaoru is his baby brother.

He can't think like that.

Kaoru rolls over and lies on his stomach, he moves closer to Hikaru. Hikaru backs off a little, and turns to lie on his side to get a better view of his younger brother, to watch him sleep. It is a secret hobby of his. One that he hopes Kaoru would never, ever find out about.

His eyes roam over Kaoru's back, slightly slick with sweat, how it's curved just right. It arches to a beautiful curve, not too deep, but not too shallow. Hikaru thinks of how he wants to run his fingers ever so softly over his younger brother's back. He tries to imagine what Kaoru's reaction would be, if he would deliciously shiver or blush that certain shade of pinkish red.

A slight moan escapes Kaoru's lips because of what ever dream he's having. Hikaru snaps out of his trance, and retracts his hand back. He catches himself before his fingers reached Kaoru's smooth back.

He can't think like that.

He tries to look away, only, Kaoru's lips catch his attention.

He imagines a braver Hikaru. It's a Hikaru that doesn't care about Kaoru and his feelings, a Hikaru that doesn't think of anything about the trust between Hikaru and Kaoru. Or maybe he's a Hikaru that only cares about his own desires, or a Hikaru that doesn't care about anything at all.

Hikaru hopes, he imagines.

He sees, in his head, that Hikaru leaning forward and pressing his lips against Kaoru's. He sees that Hikaru claiming Kaoru's lips in a good night my love, have sweet dreams kind of kiss.

But, he isn't that Hikaru.

And he knows he can't think like that.

So he rolls over, his back to Kaoru and shifts so that only a corner of his pillow cradles his head. He moves closer to the edge of the bed, farther away from Kaoru. But it's like there is a magnet, and Kaoru moves with Hikaru, and presses against his back. His breath tickles the nape of Hikaru's neck. An arm is draped across his chest. He feels the heat radiating from Kaoru's body.

He wishes, he yearns.

_I want you so much closer._

But he shouldn't think like that.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: I loved this chapter, so, so, so much. I know you're thinking, 'where's the kiss???!!' but it's the prospect of the kiss in here. Hikaru wants the kiss, but he's thinking he can't have it. Oh, and I always thought of Hikaru as a _bit_ obsessive about his baby brother... What do you think? Drop it in a review. *smiles*

Please, review *epic flail*


	5. Chapter 5

A/n: I will be frank, this chapter was the most awkward to write... Also, writing for one pair does get a bit tiring after a while. *laughs* Oh, and the next chapter will come out after Christmas... Happy Christmas everyone.

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 5: Disorientation

_~~o~~_

He looks about the room. His eyes scan the scene, the host club members sitting comfortably or just relaxing while waiting for the girls that would come in swooning anytime soon. His eyes roam over the different members, Honey eating his cake happily with Mori silently watching him, Hikaru and Kaoru engrossed in their personal conversation.

His eyes linger for a bit on a certain blond, flamboyantly overreacting with whatever had just happened.

Tamaki feels eyes settle on him and he looks around to meet eyes with none other than the Shadow King. Kyoya stiffens as a blush settles gorgeously over Tamaki's pale cheeks. A smirk plasters itself on Kyoya's face.

His pen immediately stops gliding over paper, and he closes his notebook and tucks it under his arm as he walks towards the door.

It seems everything is quiet or everyone is paused in suspense as they watch him wordlessly walk out of the room. But before he leaves, he throws a small glance to his side, his smirk growing wider.

A pregnant pause settles into the room. With this distraction, Tamaki sees his opportunity to exit the room as well. He just hopes no one notices. Of course, two pairs of eyes notice his departure, two very identical pairs of eyes.

Hikaru and Kaoru look at each other, a small smirk ghosting over their features. They make a silent agreement to follow the Shadow King and Prince Charming. They excuse themselves, and they slink in the halls, checking classroom per classroom where the other two might have gone.

Now they're not the ones to eavesdrop, they're really just curious as to why the two have been going and sneaking away these past few days or weeks.

Just when the twins were about to give up searching, they hear the very muffled voices of Kyoya and Tamaki in a washroom.

Well now.

They enter the washroom, only to stifle shocked gasps ready to escape their lips.

Tamaki and Kyoya are clinging to each other; they're holding each other as if hoping to merge into one. Kyoya's arms are around Tamaki's body, enveloping him in a tight embrace. Their faces are so close. Every time Tamaki exhales, Kyoya inhales the same breath.

Tamaki's body is pinned to the cold, tiled wall, Kyoya pressed flush against him. Kyoya's face looms over Tamaki's, and he swoops down to press a fiery and passionate kind of-

"_Oh_," Hikaru lets out, and Kaoru presses a hand against his mouth.

The other two immediately stop in their lip lock. Tamaki looks over Kyoya's shoulder and starts to flail, spouting how they're caught in a very embarrassing situation or _'Mommy! The children!'_ or _'I'm such a bad father!' _or simply, _'My poor sons!'_

Eerily enough, Kyoya looks calm. Way too calm. He turns; a smile is on his face.

_Escape now, while you still have the chance._

Kaoru laughs nervously, and then runs off with his brother in tow. They run as fast as they can, escaping the imminent torture that would wreak havoc if they ever so choose as to speak about this to another soul.

They rush into a closet or cupboard of some sorts, to hide from Kyoya and whatever torture he has for them up his sleeve.

They are close to each other, and there's sweat dripping, sliding down Hikaru's spine. They're pressed against each other almost like how Kyoya was pressed against Tamaki.

They start shaking. Laughter escapes their lips, nervous laughter, all air but no sound. It's so funny. It is funny how they just ran away from seeing Kyoya and Tamaki doing gods know what that only parents do with each other. They literally are mommy and daddy kissing. Though the roles may be switched a bit.

They bump foreheads, they bump noses. They lock eyes, and their lips bump in an awkward and wired with relief kind of kiss.

Kaoru pulls away and opens his eyes that have unconsciously fluttered to a close, "What just happened?"

Hikaru licks his slightly damp lips, wet with Kaoru's saliva, "I don't know..."

And their lips slide against each other once more.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: This... this could be the turning point, if you like. Oh, and as for Kyoya's wee bit of OOCness... Well, I just always assumed that if he ever got into a relationship with Tamaki he'd be all domineering and would snog the lights out of Tamaki whenever he feels like it. Or always tease him. Your opinion? You know the drill, say in a review!

Please, review! *epic flailage*


	6. Chapter 6

A/n: So, hah, it is after Christmas (at least where I am). Here's chapter six! Oh, and if you noticed in the previous chapter the statement "Shadow King and Prince Charming", I've always wanted to type that. *laughs*

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 6: Ambiguity

_~~o~~_

Hikaru is proud to say, he knows Kaoru too well. Or is that a side effect of being his twin? He knows every movement, what every twitch of lips mean.

Well, he knows more than he should. He spent his whole life, dedicating each minute, each second, each thump of his heart to memorize every and all meaning of Kaoru's reactions. Hikaru admits, there are things he can't figure out. But he'd like to think he knows Kaoru better than anyone else.

With all his hard work, he at least deserves all of Kaoru's pretty and nice and beautiful smiles, right?

Then why is his beloved brother smiling and laughing with Kyoya like that.

Now don't get Hikaru wrong, he's not the jealous type. He's not the brooding type either. Unlike Tamaki, he doesn't go to a corner to skulk and emanate a dark aura about him.

Kyoya catches his eyes and smirks. He throws an arm over Kaoru's shoulder and brings him closer to his side. His smirk grows wider, and whispers something into his baby brother's ear. He drops his arm to his side, seemingly satisfied.

Hikaru's left eye twitches.

The girls around him ask if he's okay, if something is bothering him. Hikaru's smile grows more strained, and he feels the corners of his lips starting to hurt and twitch. He discreetly breathes in through his nose, and calmly reassures the ladies that he's fine, thank you very much.

As long as there are cold showers in the morning, or those moments where he's in bed and Kaoru's laying half on top of him, he's fine. He's content –well, almost- to live the rest of his life pretending to listen when he's really just watching Kaoru's lips move while he talks.

Then and again, he wonders what will happen when the time comes they have to separate ways. But he shrugs and smiles, they're perfect together right now, well that's what Hikaru thinks. He still has time to say the dreaded confession of _'I love you'_.

Of course, when Kyoya leans in closer, too close for Hikaru's liking, he knows he has to do something. He stands up and smiles at the confused ladies around him, his lips are starting to really hurt.

Hikaru's left eye twitches again.

He makes his way to Kaoru, and silently grabs his younger brother's wrist and pulls him away from the Shadow King. He feels Kaoru wanting to wriggle free, and tightens his grip around Kaoru's wrist. He sits down on the couch he had been resting on awhile ago, and brings Kaoru to rest on his lap. He places his chin on Kaoru's shoulder and glares at Kyoya across the room.

"Hikaru?" He can feel Kaoru's breath tickling his cheek, and their lips are so close, "Is something wrong?" He asks, always the sweet and naive baby brother he is.

Hikaru's brows are creased in the middle, and he looks the slightest bit unhappy. Hikaru hates seeing him frown, he hates, hates, _hates_ it especially when Kaoru looks troubled and it's because of him. So he strains a smile and fakes how he feels. He love Kaoru too much to see him disappointed.

Hikaru hates love.

He gently pushes Kaoru off his lap, and pins him against one of the armrests. Hikaru looms over him, just like in their everyday acts.

"You seem to be neglecting me these days..." He whispers, loud enough for the others to hear, loud enough to mask how personal the question really is or the yearning and needing in his voice.

Realization dawns in Kaoru's eyes, and Hikaru's not sure if he should be scared or relieved.

"I'm sorry," Kaoru says as a light blush settles on his cheeks, and suddenly Hikaru knows Kaoru thinks this is all an act.

"I miss you," Hikaru leans in closer, and Kaoru's eyes are asking him what he's doing.

He tilts Kaoru's chin up, and the girls start to scream and squeal loudly around them, but Hikaru doesn't hear them with the blood rushing and pumping loudly in his ears.

He presses his lips against Kaoru's quivering ones, a conscious and to proclaim Hikaru's love for Kaoru kind of kiss.

Hikaru hates love.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: Okay, I have to ask you guys something... I don't know if you want this or not, but there are two or more chapters that i had planned that are a wee bit... for mature audiences, as some would like to say. I don't know if you want those chapters. Do I get a 'yay' or a 'nay' (I've always wanted to type that)?

Review please! *epic flail*


	7. Chapter 7

A/n: The decision is unanimous! The winner is, 'yay'!

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 7: Incorrigible

_~~o~~_

_Sweat slicked skin. Rosy, luscious lips. Hot breath against his ear, silent whispers of pleas. Gasps and moans escalating, names whispered like a broken prayer. The rustling of sheets, fingers clutching desperately, nails clawing in ecstasy._

_Lips pressed against each other in a desperate and lustful kind of kiss._

_An arch of a back, chest against chest. A whimpered cry._

Hikaru's eyes snap open, and he abruptly sits up. His back protests but he can't stretch too much, he might wake Kaoru. He gasps in heavily for oxygen molecules and looks to his side to see Kaoru shift only a little in his sleep. Hikaru sighs in relief and lets a small smile grace his lips.

He looks down at his lap and almost groans but he brings his hands up to stifle any sound threatening to escape his lips. The covers pooled around his lap are tented. Kaoru shifts and his knee accidentally press over Hikaru's erection. It takes everything of Hikaru's sleep hazed mind to remember not to moan out loud.

Grabbing Kaoru's leg, he holds back a moan as he gently moves it away. Hikaru knows his lower lip might bruise or bleed, but he has to hold back his urges.

Hikaru throws back the blanket and staggers to the wall. He sits on the floor, and he's facing their bed, he's facing Kaoru. His breathing comes out laboured and heavy. He tries to think of anything else, but images of Kaoru whimpering and begging plague his mind.

He looks down at his lap where his boxers are still tented. He's painfully throbbing but he dares not touch it.

It's wrong; he can't be thinking these things. Imagining, dreaming of such lecherous acts he can do to his baby brother. Images flash through his mind, he releases a soft whimper.

He knows he won't be able to sleep. He leans back, heavily against the wall. His fingers crawl down his stomach, lower and lower. His fingers slip under the waistband of his boxers, and his breath hitches. His hand wraps tightly around the offending organ, and his eyes close as he sighs in relief.

Ever so slowly, his fingers pump and slide. He tries to think of something, situations or pictures of girls, but they all just come and go. Nothing makes him pump faster, or his head spin. He whines, he needs to think of something or he'll never come.

Then, of course, images flash through his mind. He remembers.

But that is so wrong.

Hikaru feels like crying at the injustice of it all. He hates that dream, and the previous dreams he's had before that. It always leaves him hot and bothered, leaves him know what's there. It shows what he can reach with the tips of his fingers, but can never and isn't supposed to ever have. He can never him.

But he wants to. He needs to. He needs _Kaoru_.

He imagines, he remembers in his dreams Kaoru's long, slim legs wrapping around his waist, and his hands around Hikaru's neck. He remembers their bodies moving in unison. But more than anything, he remembers Kaoru's eyes looking up at him, pleading, with so much passion. His lips, mouthing nothing coherent or just Hikaru's name over and over again.

Hikaru pumps faster.

He throws his head back, his sweat dripping down his neck and chest and forehead. He bumped his head on the wall, but he doesn't think of the possible concussion he might have.

Hikaru tries to keeps his eyes open, and his eyes land on their bed as the flashing images burn his mind. He silently moans and releases a sobbing whine, he's so close, he can feel his insides curling. This is so wrong.

Kaoru's just there, sleeping so innocently and curled in bed.

A whispered word escapes Kaoru's lips.

'_Niichan._

And that's all it takes.

Hikaru spills, his hand sticky and wet. He's panting in quietly and heavily for air, and he looks tentatively down at his hand.

He remembers his dreams, but he can't embrace his baby brother like that. He can't lie with Kaoru in the after events of proving their love. He can't give Kaoru a slow and tired kind of kiss.

He bends his legs and hugs them to his chest; Hikaru buries his face in his knees.

He feels like crying at the injustice of it all.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: So... what do you think of this chapter? I love making Hikaru all confused and suffer. *laughs* But, that won't happen in the end, I promise. And again, only a prospect of a kiss, not an actual kiss.

Review, please?


	8. Chapter 8

A/n: This has got to be my favourite chapter of all time. I think. *laughs*

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 8: Provocation

_~~o~~_

The way the clouds just disappear into the distance, all heavy and filled with snow, or how the sky just seemingly curves, embracing everything. But then there's the snow, too. They fall softly, flutteringly to the ground, gracing the mere creatures of earth with their white and pure and chilling presence.

Hikaru thinks, oh how poetic of him, that he could be in a snow globe.

He's lying sprawled under his favourite tree. The cold snow on his back not really soaking through his clothes, his arms spread out and his palms open. He catches little snowflakes on his hands, and they melt away leaving tiny water droplets. Snowflakes fall on his face, and he sometimes has to momentarily shut his eyes.

The snow surrounds him, wanting to pierce his skin with its cold touches. But he's not cold, so he doesn't really mind.

He could be in a snow globe. Or a picture. But then there's the snowflakes cascading to earth in their white, wintery, cloudy beauty. Really, a snow globe is more appropriate, how everything would just stay still, stuck in that one moment. The weather never changes, and the people, too. He wouldn't mind that, lying in this spot forever, content and all.

Hikaru's perfect world shatters, and then he remembers why he was thinking of this as a picture. He realizes, if anything, why people don't live in snow globes or why he now prefers to be in a picture instead.

There's always the being shaken part.

Kaoru's staring down at him –he's on top of Hikaru, having just dumped himself over his older brother's body. There are small icicle tears and snowflakes caught in his hair and eyelashes. And there is a smile on his face, a bright beam, exposing his pearly white teeth.

Kaoru, Hikaru thinks, is the very epitome of wintery beauty. A wintery Kaoru, with his cheeks pink and that annoyingly, infuriating smile that makes his insides knot and squirm and twist. Hikaru smiles slowly, languidly, as if holding in a secret, a smile that an infuriatingly, beautiful and wintery Kaoru deserves.

They stay like that for a minute, before finally, Hikaru pushes Kaoru off. Kaoru lands on his back right beside him, his head using Hikaru's arm as a pillow. Then there's that silence that fills the air between them, so Hikaru closes his eyes as calmness wash over him.

He's just that content to be with Kaoru.

He imagines, he wishes, how they could stay in this moment forever, pulled away from the rush of the outside world. He's happy to stay like this, his mind blissfully void of the imminent doom of their growing separation. He's happy thinking about Kaoru's warmth pressing to his side, or how he's not minding the melting snow soaking through his clothes.

His eyes snap open as cold snow is pressed to his face and hair with warm, gloved hands. Hikaru wipes away the snow from his face, he looks to his side and sees Kaoru giggling, one hand over his mouth.

Hikaru hates to admit it, he really does, but, "I was having a moment."

Kaoru rolls over and lies on his side, to peer at his older brother. His eyes are wide from giggling and trying to stifle his joy. "I swear," He chuckles slightly, "do you have a diary where you write these moments of yours?"

Hikaru glares at him, but he's in too much of a good mood to hide his small amused grin. He has one eyebrow raised in amusement, because seriously, he loves Kaoru too much to really be mad at him.

Hikaru rolls over and pins Kaoru to the cold snow, straddling his hips. Kaoru flails, but Hikaru pins his hands by his wrists over his head. Hikaru gets a clump of snow with his free hand and presses it against Kaoru's face and hair.

Kaoru wipes away the snow from his face right after Hikaru lets go of his hands. He finds Hikaru staring down at him with that weird look in his eyes.

Hikaru swoops down to claim victory, to claim Kaoru's lips. He finally has that excuse to kiss his baby brother once more.

Kaoru's hands shoot up from resting lifelessly at his sides and holds Hikaru's face back. Dread, embarrassment and panic settle inside Hikaru's stomach.

"We will not," Kaoru breathes, closes his eyes, and open them once more, as if coming to a decision. "We will not have another impromptu kiss in the life and times of the Hitachiin twins that we both know isn't innocent or unintentional at all. We will have a discussion. We will talk about this," he brings Hikaru's face closer, his breath tickling Hikaru's lips, "later..." He says softly.

Kaoru pulls Hikaru's face down, and their lips collide in a desperate and demanding and hard kind of kiss.

Hikaru hopes this kiss will last long.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: And, I am stuck. Seriously, I have something for chapter ten but none for chapter nine. Inputs please? *Cries*

Please, review *epic flail*


	9. Chapter 9

A/n: It's been so long since I last posted. I am deeply sorry. *sadface* Forgive me? But, I think the reason why I wrote a lot in December was cause of Christmas break? *sweatdrops*

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 8: Allusion

_~~o~~_

Hikaru walks into their room as he wipes the tiny water droplets from his hair with a blue, fuzzy towel. He pauses by the door to take in the sight of Kaoru sprawled at the centre of the bed, staring at the ceiling. Hikaru lets a few moments of silence pass, a few moments of inner turmoil, with Kaoru still unaware and Hikaru still openly staring.

With the towel over his head and veiling his face, Hikaru silently trudges towards the bed. He sits at only the corner, the bed creaks with the added weight. Hikaru lets out an annoyed sigh, barely jostling Kaoru from his silent contemplation.

"Kaoru..." Hikaru whispers, but it's loud enough for Kaoru to hear. Kaoru twists his head just enough to peer up at his older brother.

Hikaru motions to lie beside Kaoru, to drape his arm over Kaoru's chest and to just lay in silence with the presence of each other. He wants to give Kaoru a soft peck on the cheek, a reminder for their promise kind of kiss.

But Kaoru gets up and walks out of their room. From somewhere down the hall, Hikaru hears Kaoru shut the washroom door with a soundly bang.

A shaky and hitched breath escapes Hikaru's lips. The feelings of frustration and anger, of want and need escaping in that one breath. He rolls over to lie on his back and stares at the ceiling as he feels that familiar stinging in the corners of his eyes.

He stares directly at the light, and his sight is dotted with red and green and yellow colours. For a fleeting moment, he imagines everything is all right. He sees himself smiling with Kaoru with that kind of smile and then everything fades to black. And the bright light blinds him once more.

But, it's a distraction, the white and infuriatingly blinding light. He has to distract himself from the fact that his chest feels like it's constricting painfully and it feels like his heart is being ripped to pieces.

Hikaru's hand gropes over the sheets and he consciously grips the small spot on the bed sheets where he could still feel Kaoru's fleeting warmth. He closes his eyes, and he fists the sheets, his fingers turning pasty white.

_What's wrong?_

He misses how when he and Kaoru were younger, they could hold hands with Hikaru not feeling that annoying churning in the pits of his stomach. Or, well, how simple kisses on cheeks are just simple kisses on cheeks that don't render to awkward blushing and avoiding eye contact and discussions that they're too tentative to tackle. He especially misses when he and Kaoru are always caught in their own world.

He opens his eyes and lets out another shaky breath, a silent plea.

He twists and turns, and he grabs something from under the bed. It's slightly soft to the touch, and a bit dusty too. But he hugs it to his chest anyway.

_A twelve year old Hikaru walks silently into their room, afraid to disturb his younger brother from his slumber. He holds a sloppily wrapped package to his chest._

_Kaoru sits up from lying in bed. He wasn't really sleeping. He can't sleep, not when he doesn't know where Hikaru is._

_Hikaru moves into the room and sits as close as possible to Kaoru, their knees bumping against each other, their shoulders close and their thoughts muddled. He holds Kaoru close, so close, and his arm drapes over Kaoru's shoulders like it has always belonged there._

"_Are you feeling better?" Hikaru whispers against the shell of Kaoru's ear, as if telling him a secret. _

_Kaoru sighs and faces his brother, and their breaths mingle. He whispers, so quietly like Hikaru, "I should be asking you that, too. Aren't you just as sick as I am?"_

"_Yes," Hikaru replies, "but mum doesn't know and I need to watch over my baby brother."_

_Kaoru sighs again, he hates this Hikaru. He hates, hates, hates the Hikaru that cares only about him, that cares too much and doesn't even consider his own health at all. But he smiles softly and touches Hikaru's cheek, because he loves Hikaru, even if he finds this side of him very annoying._

_There's a soft sound of crumpling paper, and Kaoru finally notices the package wrapped in green paper. Kaoru looks at Hikaru, and Hikaru can see the suppressed need to open and the light of excitement in his younger brother's eyes. Hikaru nods and Kaoru happily tears away the paper._

_A brown bear looks up at Kaoru, its big and beady and black eyes shining. Kaoru hugs it to his chest, and hugs Hikaru as well._

Hikaru hugs the bear closer to his face, and his nose itches but he doesn't sneeze. His eyes go red as the small particles of dust settle into his eyes and partly because of something else.

_What had gone wrong?_

He sneezes, and then he sniffles.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: I know that my impromptu vacation is so impromptu, and I'm sorry for that. On another note, I missed writing angst, so isn't it obvious in this chapter? *laughs* Oh and, there is this movie called between love and goodbye, and it really is awesome.

Please, Review :D


	10. Chapter 10

A/n: Okay, okay... first off, we finally have reached the big one-zero! *cheers, throws confetti* And well, I also thank you for all of your support! *hugs and kisses* This... is not the end, though the AN may make it sound like so.

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 10: Assurance

_~~o~~_

Hikaru sits up in panic as the little trickles of sleep leave him and only vague memories of a dream about green pandas and pink water and purple cotton candy remain. This is the time where Kaoru is supposed to sit up too, and ask him what's wrong or comfort him. Or maybe poke Kaoru until he wakes up and talk to him about his dream just to annoy him.

But there is no Kaoru to comfort him, there is no warm body beside his. There is only the cold of Kaoru's side of the bed and the teddy bear that is sat on Kaoru's pillow. He falls heavily down unto the bed once more.

_Gods, he is so tired._

This is all Kaoru's fault.

Hikaru blinks tiredly up at the ceiling.

He's tired, but he can't sleep. There are tears in his eyes caused by exhaustion. His mouth stretches open, and a roaring yawn moves up his throat and escapes his lips. His tears slide slowly down his cheeks and he glares at the ceiling as if it was what had caused all his problems.

He can't sleep, no matter how much he tries. He closes his eyes and dots of different colours splatter over the darkness. Opening his eyes, his head lulls to the side and he looks out of the window. The moon is full. Its light is bright and blinding. He lets it blind him, his punishment for causing all this trouble.

"Why..." He whispers to no one in particular in the dark. His eyes land on the bear, and he reaches his hand out and grabs the bear, his nails digging into the soft brown fur. All he wants is to hug Kaoru, to kiss him and to show him how much he loves him. He wants to say _'Fuck it,'_ and take what's already his and oh-

He yawns and he brings the bear over his face to cover his mouth and maybe a little bit of something else.

"I miss it," He says into the bear's belly and presses it harder against his face. He imagines it as something softer, something more alive, something like Kaoru's hair. "I miss you." He mumbles and chokes a little on his saliva, just because.

* * *

Hikaru can't take it anymore. He's tried everything. He's counted sheep, had calmed his breathing, but he can't sleep without Kaoru right beside him. He throws the bear covering his face to the side, and throws the blankets off of him as well. He stands up and walks to the door.

Before he leaves and closes the door, he looks into their room and his eyes scan over as the moonlight filters through the window. He sees the bear lying face down on the ground, and there is a certain pang in his chest. He has to go back and pick it up.

"You think Kaoru would mind?" He asks the bear. And he waits for a few moments to pass. "Yeah, I guess." He says though the bear has not said anything and has just only stared blankly at him.

It's late at night and he sneaks through the silent hall. He finds a room, and it was supposed to be Hikaru's room. It has always remained empty and yet it seems to always be clean. Hikaru enters silently, and he sees Kaoru sleeping on the bed. He walks over, and sits at only the edge.

"Do you think I should wake him up?" Hikaru asks the bear.

"No need." Says a voice and Hikaru promptly throws the bear away.

He stares wide eyed and a little bit scared. But then the sheets rustle and he looks down to see Kaoru awake and sitting up. Hikaru immediately sits as close as possible to Kaoru because even the only few moments they were apart seemed like forever to Hikaru. "What are you doing here?" Hikaru says loudly, and he doesn't care that it's late at night. He wants to hear Kaoru's voice.

"I... had to think..." Kaoru says, "I had to think and rethink about everything." He looks at Hikaru and he twines their fingers together. He shifts his eyes, and looks at their connected hands. "I've already been feeling since long before, and it just confuses me." His hold tightens, "It's hard, because this seems wrong, but... and... I wanted to avoid any confrontation at all. And then we-"

"Kaoru..." Hikaru tilts Kaoru's face up by the chin.

Kaoru's eyes shift from side to side and he blinks and finally has the guts to stare directly into his older brother's eyes. He licks his dry lips and his lips tremble a little, "Yeah?" He says in a quiet voice.

"You talk too much." And Hikaru leans forward and kisses Kaoru with a comforting and understanding and the tenderest of kisses kind of kiss.

The bear falls forgotten on the floor, and the soft thud startles Hikaru and Kaoru out of the kiss. They smile and they fall back on the sheets, and they sleep in peace as the earliest of birds twitter outside and the sun just barely peeks out of the horizon.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: I just had to say, I took all your ideas. *smiles* If you were as I paranoid as I am when it comes to symbolism, you'll know where your ideas are. Oh, and you might notice my next idea for a story.

Please review :D


	11. Chapter 11

A/n: As there is a before, there must be an after, right?

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 11: Ultimately

_~~o~~_

Hikaru sits up before he even opens his eyes. His eyes snap open. He looks around, not really aware of anything before finally, he falls heavily back on the bed. He's still a little out of it, and he's a bit shocked about the warmth that is pressing to his side. He doesn't really know where he is, but when his sleep hazed mind clears, he remembers Kaoru always sleeping beside him and how they're not in the usual room where they sleep.

He looks outside the window, and the sun is a little bit higher than when he usually wakes up. He looks beside him as Kaoru is half on top of him and he is met with sleep blurry eyes.

It's like seeing them for the first time.

He's not really sure why, but he's shocked. Hikaru falls out of the bed, and he pulls the covers with him. They trap and twist around his legs, and he struggles to sit up right.

Their eyes meet again. Kaoru smiles and Hikaru has to smile back. Nothing's changed, really. This is still just Kaoru. It's still the same Kaoru that he loves, only that now they both know it isn't platonic love at all.

It's all the same, but it's different. It's like whenever he wakes up so early in the morning. But this time, before the alarm even sets off, because it's a Sunday, and the little trickles of sleep disappear as the sun peeks through the windows.

Kaoru's smile is the same as before, it's that smile. It's the smile he uses when he wants to laugh but he's trying really hard not to, and Hikaru doesn't know why Kaoru always holds back his laugh. He has a lovely laugh. His eyes light up and it's almost seeing Kaoru as a child again. He rocks back and forth, and a roaring laugh just escapes his throat. It's almost like he's convulsing, but he's not. Hikaru finds it adorable.

Kaoru is looking down at him and sits up straighter, the rest of the comforter that is wrapped around him slips off, and are Hikaru's eyes deceiving him? It almost looks elegant and a bit seductive and teasing.

Kaoru does start laughing now, properly, because it's funny how Hikaru's staring up at him with that look on his face and really, seeing someone having fallen out of their bed is just that funny. Hikaru feels better. He's just made his baby brother laugh, and in three months, he's made his baby brother laugh at least twenty seven times, all by himself.

"Are you okay?" Kaoru asks him and he bites his lower lip to stop any more giggles that are threatening to escape.

Hikaru musters up a smile of a person who has just fallen on their arse and is still a little out of it, "Yeah, fine as I can be."

He gets up and sheets rustle as Kaoru moves away from the edge of the bed and Hikaru sits right beside him with their shoulders unbearably close and their knees bumping and their thoughts muddled. He leans his head on Kaoru's shoulder and he feels like falling asleep all over again. "Isn't it a bit late?"

It's not really late, but they usually wake up earlier than this.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" Kaoru lays his head over his older brother and Hikaru's hair tickles his cheek but he doesn't really mind. He licks his lips because he's a bit thirsty, but he doesn't want to leave Hikaru's side just yet. "I think when they tried to wake us up you through the teddy bear at them."

Hikaru tilts his head towards the door, and there lies the soft, old and worn bear on the cold floor. He wraps his arms around Kaoru's waist and pushes him gently to lie down. Hikaru hovers above him and presses his lips against Kaoru's in a deep and slow kind of kiss.

Before any of them knew what was going on, they feel their tongues grazing against each other, their teeth clicking and their breaths coming out through their noses. There is a fire within Hikaru's stomach. He feels Kaoru's fingers in his hair, across his face, a trail of heat in its wake. Shocking heat, frozen heat that spread throughout his whole body leaving him trembling and wanting more.

They kiss for what seem like an eternity, though truthfully, Hikaru wouldn't have mind. Just as long it's that scent in his nose, that feel of skin against his, as long as it's Kaoru, Hikaru doesn't mind. Hikaru lets go and pulls back, and it feels like he can't breathe without Kaoru's lips against his.

He kisses Kaoru across the face and Kaoru grabs his face in his hands and kisses him between his eyebrows, his forehead. Hikaru pulls back and rests his forehead into the crook of Kaoru's neck. He lets out a groan, "What are we going to do now?"

He really should have thought of this sooner. He's supposed to be the older brother, but he never really thinks about these things through, all his mind screams is _'Kaoru, want, mine, need,' _and he never really thought of the consequences.

They can't go out in public like they feel more than brothers should, and they really can't tell anyone.

All Hikaru feels are Kaoru's finger massaging the nape of his neck and Kaoru's breath against his hair. Something in his stomach sparks and it runs through him and he wonders if all their touches from now on are going to feel like this.

"We'll... just be." Kaoru says as his fingers curl lovingly in Hikaru's hair.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: This is a chapter long overdue, next one will be coming out quicker, I promise *laughs*

Please, review. :D


	12. Chapter 12

A/n: I told you the next one would come out a bit quicker. *laughs*

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 12: Uneasiness

_~~o~~_

It was only a matter of time, really.

Hikaru forces on a bright smile and there is this air of awkwardness that settles about. He's sitting –quite happily so might he add, though he knows he may look a bit like a mad man right now- in a very expensive restaurant with candle lights that only look romantic at night.

Kaoru is sitting right in front of him, and he's looking down at his plate and just shifting his food around because doesn't this restaurant get it that the air of romanticism they set only works at _night_?

Hikaru clears his throat and Kaoru's head perks up, staring at him with wide and embarrassed eyes. Hikaru is sorely reminded of The Air of Awkwardness. Hikaru wishes so damn much that someone open a window.

This is one of those moments in his life where he tells himself, _'Yeah, you know what you did? That was stupid.' _He doesn't know what had possessed him to approach Kaoru that morning, but he did ask his baby brother out on a date. Undeniably, and he doesn't know what had possessed Kaoru, Kaoru said yes.

Hikaru thinks it might be because they're both retarded, or something.

Questionably, it seems only small bits of food are left on Kaoru's plate. Hikaru notices and discreetly tries to eat faster without choking. He tilts his head back as cold sparkling water slides down his throat, he stares into his drink and gods this is embarrassing.

He places his drink down and Kaoru's is staring at him with a soft smile on his lips.

"Let's go for a walk." And it's more than just a request.

_

* * *

_

They're walking alongside each other and Hikaru's looking down at their hands. His fingers twitch, and Kaoru's hands are just there, only millimetres from his. But those millimetres are like a thousand and one miles and no one really holds the hand of their twin brother at this age.

Hikaru only vaguely notices that Kaoru has stopped walking. He looks back to find Kaoru staring at an ice cream store. Hikaru eyes the store with jealousy and pure hate-on and all the inappropriate feelings. It's still cold in this time of the year but if Kaoru wants some ice cream, then damn it Hikaru will get him some.

Minutes later, they're back to walking around heading towards nowhere. But, Kaoru does seem exponentially happier, and this day might actually turn out for the better.

Hikaru notices that there is a shallow puddle of murky and muddy water in front of them and Hikaru stops. "Wait," Hikaru says, and Kaoru stops, his ice cream all gone, with his foot near the puddle.

Hikaru makes a show of removing his coat and moves it to cover the puddle. Kaoru stares with wide eyes and something akin to horror. Hikaru coughs to his hand and waves for Kaoru to walk over because people are starting to stare.

"Hikaru..." Kaoru starts.

Hikaru cuts him off, "I don't want you to get your shoes wet." People are staring, and so he glares at Kaoru, "Just get on with it," because big brothers don't usually do this for their younger brothers.

He watches Kaoru walk hastily away with red cheeks rivalling his hair towards the nearby park; _he did speak a little too soon._

_

* * *

_

Hikaru is leaning back heavily while sitting on the park bench with Kaoru slightly leaning on his shoulder. His coat is a heap of dirty and wet cloth beside his foot and the moment of his stupidity and utter embarrassment awhile ago escapes him.

The park is decidedly empty and Hikaru decides, "We should've done this sooner."

Kaoru hums his agreement and a comfortable haze of silence settles between them. Hikaru tilts his head to the side as he watches Kaoru gazing straight ahead at everything and nothing. He tilts Kaoru's face towards his and he kisses Kaoru, and it's slow and lazy, and it's moments like these that Hikaru hopes to happen more often.

He pulls back slightly, with their short breaths playing with each other. "Was this a bad idea?"

"If we were still sitting in the restaurant," Kaoru rolls his eyes, "or gods forbid, you doing that thing with your coat again, I'd have to say yes." Hikaru does not visibly flinch at this point. "But... not so much anymore."

Hikaru smiles, "Well, for our next date-" Hikaru immediately stops as Kaoru is looking at him wearily and warily.

"No more dates." Kaoru says, and he immediately continues because Hikaru crossed his arms and has that pout on his lips. "No more '_getting-to-know-you' _dates. It's not necessary; we've known each other our whole lives." He places his hands on either side of Hikaru's face and his breath ghosts over Hikaru's lips, "just _'appreciating-each-other'_ dates, yeah?"

Hikaru's words die down as Kaoru presses his lips against Hikaru's in a you're such a daft little bugger, but you're my daft little bugger kind of kiss.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: Admittedly, everything changed after chapter nine was written. So, I am having quite a hard time. But anyway, I always thought Hikaru would be a bit stupid in... 'courting' Kaoru. *laughs* And, shall KyoTama make a comeback in this story of some sorts? *laughs* What do you think? Drop it in a review!

Review, please :D


	13. Sidetrack 1

A/n: Aha, I got erm... sidetracked... *laughs* As I said in a previous chapter, it does get boring writing for the same characters for awhile. *laughs*

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Sidetrack 1: Non-truths Are Called Lies

_~~o~~_

Their bodies move in unison as one looms over the other. Their warm breaths would mingle between their faces whenever they separate for those few seconds of much needed air. They're clutching onto each other, their nails are digging and leaving little crescent moons on each other's skin, and it's like they are clutching onto something they think that might disappear soon.

There is a grunt and a moan, and it's too much. It's too warm, too hot and they're sure they're melting, but skin that isn't caressing skin feels frozen like ice, and it's an unbearable cold.

Their holds around each other tighten, a finger twitch, an arch of a back, and a sigh follows. It is soon all over, a little too soon. But, they feel better, and this is their favourite part. It's watching each other break and fall apart; with little puzzle pieces and shards of glass. Then they fix each other, putting everything back together, fitting the pieces and gluing everything back carefully, ever so carefully, so that they'll be ready for that next time.

It's all over, they're tired but sated.

It's perfect, so perfect, but of course, Kyoya refuses to admit that.

Kyoya releases a long breath, and he's tired and his whole body doesn't feel like moving at all. He's on top of Tamaki. But Tamaki is too tired to notice the deadweight on top of him and he's already lightly snoring with soft huffs of air anyway.

Kyoya pushes himself upward, balancing himself with his hands on either side of Tamaki's head. Kyoya looks down and his eyes are soft. Kyoya with soft eyes isn't something usual, Kyoya himself notices this. He shifts, and pulls out of Tamaki, subconsciously careful and slow. Tamaki emits a soft gasp.

Kyoya pauses for millions of microseconds, and Tamaki is still in his sweet dreams and peaceful slumber. He rolls to the side with the sheets rustling and with Tamaki's face in his line of view. He lies beside Tamaki, and Tamaki rolls over to lie on his side, his face towards Kyoya.

Tamaki's face looks peaceful and he's unusually silent. And it's a nice change. Kyoya savours this moment, savours the peace with only the crickets sounding their song. He's facing the ceiling, lying on his back, but he glances at Tamaki from the corners of his eyes. He savours the scene of a real life sleeping beauty, with that content look on his face.

But silences lead to musings and unwanted thoughts and reflecting and noticing things that he doesn't want to notice, but does anyway. He notices how perfect Tamaki looks; he's perfect, too perfect with his closed eyes and long lashes. It's disconcerting to think that he thinks he's content and everything's just perfect.

Kyoya, wishing with all his heart, that he could deny this feeling of contentment and perfection.

He's lying on his back and he stares at the ceiling. There are small, very small, cobwebs on the lower left corner of the ceiling, and there are a total of three small black dots that aren't noticeable if you don't look closely. Kyoya's disconcerted, really, because he notices the small details and he's finally aware of the fact that maybe, he spends a little too much of his time here but he doesn't spend his time _here_, he spends much of his time with _Tamaki._

Maybe, he could also admit that-

Kyoya's eyes widen, and just gods no. He places his arm over his eyes and it's a heavy weight over his closed eyelids. He groans softly, and a multitudinous amount of different coloured dots splatter his vision.

He is not, he thinks, no matter what society says, gay. He just happens to shag Tamaki when opportune, or inopportune, moments arise. There's a bit of snogging on a regular basis, too.

Okay, well. Maybe more than on a regular basis.

But, he's straight as a ruler, the metal kind. It's not like he goes around flaunting flamboyant and much too bright clothes. He doesn't go skipping merrily with his wrists limp and bended. He doesn't fancy blokes, he fancies girls, he doesn't find Tamaki adorable at all when that blush dusts his cheeks just so.

He snogs Tamaki, there aren't soft and gentle and romantic and poofy kisses, only heated and passionate, with tongues battling and teeth clacking. Whenever he presses a soft kiss on Tamaki's lips, it's just that he's too tired to do anything more.

He's straight, completely and utterly straight.

He just likes shagging Tamaki, kissing him, and touching him and seeing the other moan out his name and that plain _want_ in his eyes, and he just feels his stomach churn and twist and knot ever so slightly whenever he thinks of someone else at Tamaki's side instead of him.

He's straight, and that'll never change.

Kyoya snaps out of his thoughts as he hears the sheets rustle and Tamaki moving just those inches closer, pressing against his side. He feels Tamaki cling to his arm, and there is a soft and fluttering barely there kind of kiss pressed against his shoulder. He hears Tamaki sigh, and a soft smile plays on Kyoya's lips.

Some of Tamaki's blond hair falls over his closed eyes and it tickles Kyoya's shoulders a bit. And it's perfect.

Well, maybe he's a metal ruler that's just a bit dented and slightly bent.

_To be continued..._

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: Aha, I just... I always thought that Kyoya wouldn't suddenly just want to accept it if ever he was homosexual. I think he'd be in denial a bit. *laughs*

Please, review :D


	14. Chapter 13

A/n: I am so sorry for the delay. Really. OTL But well, school and stuff happen. And yeah. Oh! If you want to know what I'm up to/reading, look at my tumblr, yeah? *laughs* Click on the homepage thingy in my profile.

xxX~o~o~Xxx

Chapter 13: Lollygag

_~~o~~_

He's staring out the window, and the morning was fast but the rest of the day isn't fast enough. He knows he should be listening to whatever the teacher's drawling on about, but he's not even sure what topic they're on or if they're still even in lessons for Mathematics, actually. It's not like he doesn't care (he, more or less, usually does) but his mind just can't focus on anything right now.

Hikaru's hand cradles his head up, his chin is digging into the heel of his hand, but it's not like he minds. His head lulls a bit to the side, and there are scenes that play through his mind and he doesn't remember them a second later. He's slipping into that oblivion where he knows he's going to fall asleep and he's half way there, though his eyes remain stubbornly opened. Of course, tapping a rhythm with his fingers help a bit, so he's still awake.

He goes through his memories, and imagines flipping through them like one would a file cabinet. It's useless, really, because a big part of the litany he calls _The Memories of My Life_ is taken up mostly by Kaoru. Hikaru digs around, going through them quite fondly and his lips would tilt just so.

He smiles, because he comes across the memory of just this morning. He remembers waking up, still quite not used to Kaoru wrapped up in his arms or he wrapped up in Kaoru's arms meaning something. It has always meant something, but not exactly this.

_Hikaru blinks, and he holds back a sneeze as Kaoru's hair tickles his nose. His baby brother's head rests on his chest. He holds back fits of laughter as Kaoru's breath, deep and still even for sleep, goes over his chest. He's a bit more ticklish than he'd like to admit._

_He tries to move, maybe just a little, so that Kaoru's breath won't tickle him. He squirms and wriggles, and he has to find that right position where Kaoru's still in his arms. A hand is placed on Hikaru's chest, and he stills. "Would you stop squirming already?" Kaoru is supporting his body with his left arm propping him up. He's half on top of Hikaru, pressed warmly on his side._

"_Sorry," Hikaru says sheepishly and resists rubbing the back of his neck._

_Kaoru is glaring a bit, Hikaru grabs his face by the chin, tipping his head for a kiss. Kaoru's eyes soften and Kaoru moves in. Hikaru wanted to kiss him softly, lovingly, sweetly, in a good morning kind of kiss. Hikaru feels Kaoru's right hand behind his neck and presses their lips a bit firmer against each other._

_It is only a soft pressure, where a kiss is just a kiss, a touch of lips against another's. But then Hikaru tilts his head, and their lips slide against each other, and that's just right._

_Kaoru moves and he's on top of Hikaru, their chests pressed together and Kaoru's hands on Hikaru's face. Hikaru has to breathe, he really does, but Kaoru's got his hands pinned to the bed by his knees and Kaoru's knees are sharp bones digging into his hands. They're already tingling._

_Kaoru bites on his lower lip and Hikaru closes his eyes. The warm touch of Kaoru's lips leaves his. He stops holding his breath. He feels Kaoru's breath across his face, and it's cool and he smells minty and is that why there's a small bit of mint in his mouth? There are quick puffs of air, he feels them brushing over his face, and he's breathing in Kaoru and his breath and it's wonderful. _

_It's pleasant, pleasant in a way how warm chocolate settles in your stomach, but burns your tongue, if only a bit. Or how after a long day's work, you're settled in bed with your muscles and joints hurting. Hikaru doesn't want to admit it, but his eyes really do flutter open, and he finds Kaoru just staring at him with that weird look on his face._

_His finger twitches. Kaoru's tongue darts out and licks his drying, still red from a kiss, lips. Kaoru kisses him again. His hands are already feeling the sharp pain, but he still can't do anything about it, he's trapped, but it's not like he wants to escape in the first place._

_Kaoru's lips are demanding, he feels them biting and sucking, feels Kaoru's tongue licking the roof of his mouth, and where did Kaoru learn to kiss like that? Kaoru pulls back and finally, finally, gets off of Hikaru's hands and he smiles down mischievously at his older brother. He presses his lips against Hikaru's slowly, so sweetly kind of kiss and it's a preview and a promise._

_Hikaru pulls Kaoru into a hug, right against his chest, and he kisses the side of his younger brother's face, his forehead, and Kaoru's shaking because he's giggling and _oh-

"Hikaru!" A voice breaks into Hikaru's memory, and he snaps his head up, looking directly at his teacher. "Could you tell us the answer to question number five?"

Hikaru resists rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment and instead stutters and looks around nervously. He sees Kaoru, and he's looking directly into his older brother's eyes, because he's inadvertently Hikaru's personal mind reader, so he knows what Hikaru was thinking of. He smiles, and Hikaru swears there's a hint of a smirk, and it's a preview and a promise.

Hikaru sits back down, his teacher huffing and mumbling under her breath. Hikaru crosses his legs, and he may have gotten too much from the memory.

xxX~o~o~Xxx

A/n: PFFT, dear me, it's been so long! Heh... is it weird that I write more stories during exam week? *laughs*

I miss writing. *laughs*


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